parenting Taking children abroad

[Scarlet201]

Hello.

My (soon to be ex) husband and I have 3 children aged 8,5 and 2. We live in the uk but both have families in different countries. He has never been a hands on parent, in fact all the care for them has always been purely my job, I have fed them every meal, changed all their nappies, woke up to them every night, taken them to all appointments and all their activities.. all throughout the marriage he was never really interested in spending any time with them besides giving them a quick cuddle every now and then or when they're older, watching Tv with them. At most he'd take them to the park for an hour if I asked him to. 

I have been taking the kids to see my family (a 2 hour flight away) regularly and he never had any objections, never really missed them when they were away. He often takes trips as well, doesn't even call the kids when he's away. 

Now that we're separating, he suddenly wants 50% custody and to be able to take them to see his family (a 24 hour flight away) for a month at a time. 

I am not comfortable to be so far away from my kids for that long, especially with someone who's never taken care of them for more than a few hours at a time and his mother who is a toxic narcissistic person and a terrible influence on the children. It breaks my heart to even think about them being taken away for that long, or thinking that if anything were to happen, I can't be with them. But he just tell me that I'm not that important to them. My middle child is currently on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis as well, but his side of the family just says that I'm making it up and refuse to take it seriously. 

Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to accept the situation?

thank you for reading my post. 

[Joanna]

12 hours ago, Scarlet201 said:

Hello.

My (soon to be ex) husband and I have 3 children aged 8,5 and 2. We live in the uk but both have families in different countries. He has never been a hands on parent, in fact all the care for them has always been purely my job, I have fed them every meal, changed all their nappies, woke up to them every night, taken them to all appointments and all their activities.. all throughout the marriage he was never really interested in spending any time with them besides giving them a quick cuddle every now and then or when they're older, watching Tv with them. At most he'd take them to the park for an hour if I asked him to. 

I have been taking the kids to see my family (a 2 hour flight away) regularly and he never had any objections, never really missed them when they were away. He often takes trips as well, doesn't even call the kids when he's away. 

Now that we're separating, he suddenly wants 50% custody and to be able to take them to see his family (a 24 hour flight away) for a month at a time. 

I am not comfortable to be so far away from my kids for that long, especially with someone who's never taken care of them for more than a few hours at a time and his mother who is a toxic narcissistic person and a terrible influence on the children. It breaks my heart to even think about them being taken away for that long, or thinking that if anything were to happen, I can't be with them. But he just tell me that I'm not that important to them. My middle child is currently on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis as well, but his side of the family just says that I'm making it up and refuse to take it seriously. 

Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to accept the situation?

thank you for reading my post. 

Hi Scarlet,

You should gather evidence of your ex's minimal involvement with the children. This could include school records showing who attends meetings, receipts for childcare you pay for, or witness statements from friends or family.  You should also highlight any potential disruption a sudden increase in custody time could cause for the child's routine and emotional well-being.

The court might not grant 50% custody initially, opting for a gradual increase in your ex's involvement, prioritising the child's adjustment.  Supervised visits might be ordered to ensure a safe environment during initial contact.  The court may even require your ex to participate in parenting courses before increased custody time.

In the UK, if you are separated from your children's other parent and want to take them abroad, you will generally need their permission. This applies even if you are the primary carer, however there are a few exceptions

• If you have a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) that states you can take the children abroad without the other parent's consent.
• If you are taking the children abroad for less than a month.

If you do not have the other parent's permission, you can apply to the court for a Specific Issue Order to allow you to take the children abroad. The court will consider the best interests of the child when making a decision.

There is some more information on the government website

• https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Here are a few more links which may be helpful, I haven't yet read through them all

• https://www.kabirfamilylaw.co.uk/taking-children-abroad/#:~:text=You must either obtain permission,the other parent refuses permission.
• https://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/blog/2022/06/08/travelling-abroad-with-children-after-divorce-faqs/
• https://www.sydneymitchell.co.uk/news/legal-implications-taking-children-abroad-if-you-are-separated
• https://hedgeslaw.co.uk/insight/taking-a-child-abroad-on-holiday-after-divorce-or-separation/
• https://www.porterdodson.co.uk/blog/taking-children-abroad-the-dos-and-donts-for-separated-parents

I hope this helps and you manage to get this resolved,

Joanna