mortgages Not paying the mortgage

[Joanna]

6 hours ago, tanyashaw79 said:

So since telling me that because I've applied for child maintenance (£170pm) he can't pay the mortgage and has been sending email on email trying to force me to accept his out of court offer.

He's not spoken to the lender to try and negotiate and has just cancelled the direct debit for the mortgage. I have spoken to the lender and changed to an interest only mortgage. My husband doesn't know this yet but has said that he will cancel this if I do this. He's not interested in an interest only mortgage as he can't afford to pay the mortgage and wants to sell. 

Fast forward to yesterday when I just had enough of all the abuse and said "ok, put the house on the market". We'll sell the house and the proceeds will stay with the solicitor until the court hearing. He was obviously shocked and he has lost his head. He has been stating all along that he can't afford to pay the mortgage and wants to sell, now I've given him permission to put it on the market he's refusing. He's now saying that he's happy to wait until October for the court case

Hi, you may be able to apply to the court for a financial order and include an application for a Maintenance Pending Suit (MPS) which might allow you to get some maintenance from him to cover the mortgage, until an order can be made for the house to be sold.

A few more details I found ...

• An MPS is meant to provide temporary financial support to a spouse during divorce proceedings, specifically for meeting their immediate needs while a final settlement is reached.
• A court order is required for MPS. You'd need to apply and convince the judge of your financial hardship and your ex-spouse's ability to contribute.
• Courts typically don't allow MPS payments to go directly to a third party like a mortgage lender. The money is paid to you to manage your expenses.
• If the MPS covers your essential living expenses, it may frees up your own funds to potentially contribute towards the mortgage.
• MPS is meant to be short-term until the divorce is finalized.
• The court prioritizes meeting your basic needs, not necessarily covering the entire mortgage.

It sounds like the house does need to be sold.

6 hours ago, tanyashaw79 said:

I have always been keen for him to stay in the house and if he can buy me out and stay there then that'll be less upheaval for the boys. He knows this and has been using it against me emotionally.

as you say he's now playing on this, I would try not to give too much away but I know its difficult, I'm always being too open and honest and have learnt I need to put a filter on certain discussions - at least until the divorce is complete.  I guess he is trying to buy you out as you suggested, it's just that you're not happy with the 50/50 split is that correct?  Have you countered his offer, does he reject anymore than 50%?  In the end both of you will have to compromise and if you really can't agree a judge will do so on your behalf (which may not give either of you what you want).

6 hours ago, tanyashaw79 said:

he will be sure to tell the judge that his offer is "fair and reasonable" and I'm being the difficult one with not accepting (more threats).

He's told me that unless I don't want to be blacklisted he'd advise me to start paying the mortgage. 

He is trying to force me to accept his offer (which I don't think is fair) by saying he can't afford the mortgage and needs to sell. I've said ok and he's now refusing saying he'll sit there and not pay the mortgage until the court hearing. 

Surely this is financial abuse and coercion?

I think it's up to the judge to decide what is fair not him (if it can't be agreed between you out of court).  Also you are saying its not fair so why should his word be taken and not yours.  And no you are not being difficult at all.

This does sound like he's trying to control you financially which is a serious issue, there is a legal term for this which I can't remember but I will try find out - a family solicitor can definitely advise on this issue but obviously comes at a cost to prepare necessary paperwork unless this is something you can do yourself I'm not sure. 

Edited May 15, 2024 by Joanna

[tanyashaw79]

8 hours ago, SarahP said:

Hi, this sounds awful.  Your ex's threat to stop paying the mortgage to hurt your credit is a serious issue.  I think you are but definitely contact the lender and explain the situtation, ask them to put a note on your account regarding your ex's threat as they may help minimize the damage to your credit score.  Request a credit report from a credit bureau to monitor your credit score for any changes.  Unfortunately if you're both still on the mortgage you're both responsible for payments.

You may be able to sever your ties to the property via a court order, or may even be able to sue your ex for any damages caused by not paying the mortgage.

Whatever you do don't engage in threats or retaliation & keep records of your ex's threats and any communication regarding the mortgage.

I wish you luck and hope you get this resolve soon.

I'm really hoping that the court will see what he's trying to do and through the book at him. I don't mean necessarily award me a higher percentage (because I know it doesn't work like that) but he NEEDS to be told that he can't behave like this. He needs to be held accountable for his actions and until someone in authority has told him to stop he'll just keep on and on. 

I'm also hoping that the lender can put a note on my account that will hopefully help minimise me getting damage to my credit score. 

I will look into severing ties with the property but would that not effect my share of the equity when the court orders it to be sold? 

As the lovely Joanna has said later on, I can possibly apply for an MPS which is essentially applying for maintenance from him to cover such things as mortgage. The thing is is that if he's not paying the mortgage he's essentially going to have almost £1k each month sitting in his bank (although I'm sure he'll be trying to hide it somewhere) so the court will see this in all his statements that he will have to provide so an MPS might be an option. (I suppose that's similar to suing him right)? I will also be looking into the possibility of suing him for damaging my credit score intentionally (if it comes to that). 

Thank you again! 

[tanyashaw79]

39 minutes ago, Joanna said:

Hi, you may be able to apply to the court for a financial order and include an application for a Maintenance Pending Suit (MPS) which might allow you to get some maintenance from him to cover the mortgage, until an order can be made for the house to be sold.

A few more details I found ...

• An MPS is meant to provide temporary financial support to a spouse during divorce proceedings, specifically for meeting their immediate needs while a final settlement is reached.
• A court order is required for MPS. You'd need to apply and convince the judge of your financial hardship and your ex-spouse's ability to contribute.
• Courts typically don't allow MPS payments to go directly to a third party like a mortgage lender. The money is paid to you to manage your expenses.
• If the MPS covers your essential living expenses, it may frees up your own funds to potentially contribute towards the mortgage.
• MPS is meant to be short-term until the divorce is finalized.
• The court prioritizes meeting your basic needs, not necessarily covering the entire mortgage.

It sounds like the house does need to be sold.

as you say he's now playing on this, I would try not to give too much away but I know its difficult, I'm always being too open and honest and have learnt I need to put a filter on certain discussions - at least until the divorce is complete.  I guess he is trying to buy you out as you suggested, it's just that you're not happy with the 50/50 split is that correct?  Have you countered his offer, does he reject anymore than 50%?  In the end both of you will have to compromise and if you really can't agree a judge will do so on your behalf (which may not give either of you what you want).

I think it's up to the judge to decide what is fair not him (if it can't be agreed between you out of court).  Also you are saying its not fair so why should his word be taken and not yours.  And no you are not being difficult at all.

This does sound like he's trying to control you financially which is a serious issue, there is a legal term for this which I can't remember but I will try find out - a family solicitor can definitely advise on this issue but obviously comes at a cost to prepare necessary paperwork unless this is something you can do yourself I'm not sure. 

Oh my gosh, thank you Joanna. 

I have never heard of an MPS so I will look into it. As I've said above he's essentially going to have the payment of the mortgage (almost £1k) sitting in his bank if he continues to refuse to pay it so surely this will be enough to prove he can pay me this. He's also got access to the money from his family (and can use it at any point) so surely this will show he can afford it. 

He told me yesterday that if the court orders the house to be sold he will buy it anyway. Is he able to do this? Considering he's claiming he can't afford the mortgage. I really don't know where his head is at at the moment. It's almost as if he feels like he's losing control (of me I mean) and he's not liking it. 

In terms of his offer, I'm not sure it is fair. He's split the equity 50/50 but also only taken into consideration pensions (because mine is higher) so is claiming 50% of that as well. He's not including anything else which will be in my favour - debt, the fact the children are with me more, the fact he earns more than me, both our mortgage capacity. Just literally equity and pensions. He's picking and choosing what to include. I have made a counter offer which left pensions out of it and just 50/50 of the equity but he's saying that it's 'his right by law' to be able to have some of my pension and that his family's money will only cover the amount he's offered (which I think is a lie, again to try and force me into accepting his offer). He is the most stubborn person I know and I really hope this comes around to bite him in the bum. 

I think the technical term is coercive control or financial/economy abuse. I have been researching and it explains a lot about what he's doing. He was like this in the marriage as well but it has gotten a whole lot worse since separation (I suppose he's disliking the fact that he's unable to do it anymore). 

[SarahP]

12 minutes ago, tanyashaw79 said:

he NEEDS to be told that he can't behave like this. He needs to be held accountable for his actions and until someone in authority has told him to stop he'll just keep on and on. 

yes, clearly he isn't listening to you and needs to be told by someone else how things actually work

12 minutes ago, tanyashaw79 said:

I'm also hoping that the lender can put a note on my account that will hopefully help minimise me getting damage to my credit score. 

I will look into severing ties with the property but would that not effect my share of the equity when the court orders it to be sold? 

I'm sure they will add these notes to your account so it's all recorded

I don't think you can sever all ties to the property yet, you need to have a financial order in place

[SarahP]

18 minutes ago, tanyashaw79 said:

As the lovely Joanna has said later on, I can possibly apply for an MPS which is essentially applying for maintenance from him to cover such things as mortgage. The thing is is that if he's not paying the mortgage he's essentially going to have almost £1k each month sitting in his bank (although I'm sure he'll be trying to hide it somewhere) so the court will see this in all his statements that he will have to provide so an MPS might be an option. (I suppose that's similar to suing him right)? I will also be looking into the possibility of suing him for damaging my credit score intentionally (if it comes to that).

Oh, I'm not aware of that, it may help in the interim.  I don't think an MPS is the same as suing, I don't know what each route entails or the associated costs or implications.

It's not easy to hide funds, all bank statements with transfers will need to be provided for 12 months and you can request more details & history if you have good reason to.   The court will review all spending patterns and bills and determine how much you both need for your future needs.

Hopefully this can all be resolved soon, try not to worry too much it will all get sorted in the end and you can then get on with your life.

[Joanna]

On 5/15/2024 at 5:35 AM, Joanna said:

This does sound like he's trying to control you financially which is a serious issue, there is a legal term for this which I can't remember but I will try find out

Hi again, I've just remembered what I meant by 'legal term', it's not a term as such it's whether you wish to pursue a 'conduct case' ...

• A conduct case in UK law refers to a situation where someone's behaviour is argued to be a factor in determining financial settlements, particularly during divorce proceedings.
  • Legislation: The main principle comes from Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 [Section 25 conduct argument]. It allows the court to consider the "conduct of each of the parties" when dividing financial resources after a divorce.
  • Threshold for Consideration: Not all bad behaviour qualifies. The conduct needs to be so severe that ignoring it would be unfair. Courts look at case history to determine this threshold.
• Types of Conduct: There are two main categories:
  • Financial Misconduct: This involves deliberately wasting marital assets or hiding them.
  • Personal Misconduct: This is trickier. Examples include adultery in some cases, but the bar is high.
• Impact on Settlements: If successful, proven misconduct can influence how assets are divided. The innocent party may receive a larger share to compensate for the other's actions.

Hope this helps.

[tanyashaw79]

On 5/15/2024 at 7:42 AM, Joanna said:

Hi again, I've just remembered what I meant by 'legal term', it's not a term as such it's whether you wish to pursue a 'conduct case' ...

• A conduct case in UK law refers to a situation where someone's behaviour is argued to be a factor in determining financial settlements, particularly during divorce proceedings.
  • Legislation: The main principle comes from Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 [Section 25 conduct argument]. It allows the court to consider the "conduct of each of the parties" when dividing financial resources after a divorce.
  • Threshold for Consideration: Not all bad behaviour qualifies. The conduct needs to be so severe that ignoring it would be unfair. Courts look at case history to determine this threshold.
• Types of Conduct: There are two main categories:
  • Financial Misconduct: This involves deliberately wasting marital assets or hiding them.
  • Personal Misconduct: This is trickier. Examples include adultery in some cases, but the bar is high.
• Impact on Settlements: If successful, proven misconduct can influence how assets are divided. The innocent party may receive a larger share to compensate for the other's actions.

Hope this helps.

Thank you Joanna,

I suppose my situation would come under the Financial Misconduct category. "Deliberately wasting marital assets".

Refusing to pay the mortgage, stating he can't afford it and needs to sell. Then when I give him permission to put the house on the market he emotionally blackmails me about not having the boys best interests at heart. Refusing to pay the mortgage and getting me blacklisted unless I accept his out of court offer is bad conduct if ever there was I'd say. 

I've been in contact with my solicitor today via email regarding the settlement and his behaviour. She's stated that his offer is too low (like I thought) but didn't elaborate on what could possibly be the outcome if we go to court. She said his behaviour is bad, he will be criticised by the court but again didn't elaborate as to how it could go against him in court, nor did she say what to do next. She's just so vague. It's as if she's not giving me the answers I need so I have to go back and pay for more advice. How can she reply to me stating it's bad behaviour (I know that) but not tell me what to do?

So I'm back to square one and reluctant to spend even more money on more advice. 

[tanyashaw79]

15 hours ago, SarahP said:

Oh, I'm not aware of that, it may help in the interim.  I don't think an MPS is the same as suing, I don't know what each route entails or the associated costs or implications.

It's not easy to hide funds, all bank statements with transfers will need to be provided for 12 months and you can request more details & history if you have good reason to.   The court will review all spending patterns and bills and determine how much you both need for your future needs.

Hopefully this can all be resolved soon, try not to worry too much it will all get sorted in the end and you can then get on with your life.

Thank you Sarah.

Yes I'm pretty sure all our bank accounts, credit card statements etc etc for the last year will be looked at. If he continues to refuse to pay the mortgage between now and the court hearing it'll be interesting to see what the court thinks when they see that he's essentially got £1k each month in his account doing nothing. 

Another worry I have is that he set up a bank account for our eldest around 5 years ago. When he set it up he only put his name on the account so he's only ever had access to it. I didn't think anything of it at the time but a few years ago he told me (he dealt with all the finances) that we were struggling so he took the money from our son's account, claiming to we needed it to pay for house expenses. Fast forward to now. My family are the only people who deposit into my son's account and I'm worried that he could potentially just take it again. I've spoken to the bank about this and even though I'm his mother they won't allow me to be added to the account until my husband signs a form to give me permission. There is no way he will do this. I'm not saying it's because he's doing anything dodgy but more so to be difficult. I feel as though I should be on the account though seeing as I'm his mother. Does anyone know if I can request that every account in our children's names be looked at in court as well? 

[Joanna]

8 hours ago, tanyashaw79 said:

Refusing to pay the mortgage and getting me blacklisted unless I accept his out of court offer is bad conduct if ever there was I'd say. 

Yes, this is absolutely bad conduct.  Using the threat of a negative consequence to pressure you into accepting an offer is coercion.

8 hours ago, tanyashaw79 said:

I've been in contact with my solicitor today via email regarding the settlement and his behaviour. She's stated that his offer is too low (like I thought) but didn't elaborate on what could possibly be the outcome if we go to court. She said his behaviour is bad, he will be criticised by the court but again didn't elaborate as to how it could go against him in court, nor did she say what to do next. She's just so vague. It's as if she's not giving me the answers I need so I have to go back and pay for more advice. How can she reply to me stating it's bad behaviour (I know that) but not tell me what to do?

So I'm back to square one and reluctant to spend even more money on more advice. 

I'm pleased you've checked with your solicitor and that she has indicated you shouldn't be accepting his out of court offer.  

Yes it can definitely be frustrating and feel like you are being drip-fed information, however she needs to form a complete picture of your situation & then carefully consider all options before giving you full advice, this all takes a lot of time which is what they charge you for.  She's probably determining how much information to give you at once, balancing explaining things clearly while trying to keep costs down.  

Perhaps you could ask your solicitor for a breakdown of their fees and how much this case is likely to cost you so you can manage expectations.

I fully appreciate why you don't want to spend any further money when you feel like you're going round in circles and not making progress but based on your posts it feels like you have enough information & evidence to possibly represent yourself in court (litigant in person)

• https://www.gov.uk/represent-yourself-in-court

I am not sure what is involved with this but the research, preparation & gathering evidence will all take time so you'll need to weigh this up, you are probably spending a lot of time already just constantly thinking about this.

Oh, you should definitely check if you qualify for legal aid as this may be able to cover some or all of your legal costs.

I really do hope you can move forward with your situation.