divorce How to deal with cheating wife?

[Greg]

Hi,

I found out that my wife is cheating on me after around 3 month where she was saying she was seeing a female friend. Now more than 2 month later she is still visiting this guy for the weekend and leaves me and our two daughters 11,13 alone. She did kick of the divorce proceedings and I have accepted but the situation that she is leaving to someone else becomes unbearable for me and I am wondering if I have to accept this. She has never worked as I have earned enough so moving out of our family home will be difficult as she has not the money to pay for an accommodation and the guy she seeing has three kids and they can’t live together apparently. What can I do to ease this situation other than separating rooms? I feel this is affecting the kids as well as they constantly ask when mom comes back when she is gone and the little one seems to be overwhelmed with the entire situation. This has become very difficult to deal with and I would be thankful for some advice.

Thank you

-Greg

[Peter B]

Hi Greg, sorry to hear you are going through this.  

If she already kicked off divorce proceedings what are her plans regarding the house, children and how she will support herself.  Just because she doesn't work now doesn't mean she wont be expected to work & maximise her earnings in the future.

Is she expecting you to move out or you buy her out or you sell up and buy or rent 2 new houses etc.  I recommended you do not move out of the property.  Are you doing the majority of the childcare during the week or just at the weekends.  I recommend you maintain a log of what you and she is doing & when.  As it sounds like you are separated at the moment you should live in separate bedrooms and cook for yourselves, do washing etc. independently.   I would do as much as you can for the children and never argue or discuss divorce complexities in front of them.

It’s a really difficult situation, I hope you are able to come to an agreement.  Have you started mediation yet or not at that stage yet?   I would speak to a solicitor to get legal advice, especially if she has already started divorce proceedings.

[aqeelabbas]

Seek Support: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist for emotional support. Having someone to talk to can help you navigate your feelings and find healthy coping mechanisms.

Open Communication: Try to have open and honest conversations with your daughters about what's happening, using age-appropriate language. Reassure them that both you and their mother love them and that the divorce is not their fault.

Co-Parenting Agreement: Work with your wife to establish a co-parenting agreement that outlines custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and financial responsibilities. This can help create a sense of structure and predictability for your daughters.

Consider Professional Help: If your youngest daughter seems overwhelmed by the situation, consider seeking professional help for her, such as therapy or counseling. A trained therapist can provide her with the support she needs to cope with the changes.

Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally during this challenging time. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's exercising, spending time with friends, or pursuing hobbies.

Legal Advice: Consult with a family law attorney to understand your rights and options regarding the divorce proceedings, property division, and child custody. A lawyer can provide you with guidance and advocate for your interests.

Future Living Arrangements: While it may be difficult, consider discussing potential living arrangements with your wife that prioritize the well-being of your daughters. This could involve selling the family home and finding separate accommodations for both of you.

Regards : couplenamecombiner

[jhondevid]

thanks for the info

[jhondevid]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Dealing with infidelity in a marriage can be incredibly challenging. Here are some steps you might consider:

Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's normal to experience a range of emotions, including shock, anger, sadness, and confusion. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and give yourself time to process them.

Seek Support: Consider confiding in a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate this difficult time.

Communicate: If you feel ready, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about what happened and how you're feeling. It's important to express your emotions and concerns calmly and respectfully.

Consider Counseling: Marriage counseling or therapy can provide a safe space for both you and your wife to explore the underlying issues that may have contributed to the infidelity and work towards healing and rebuilding trust.

Set Boundaries: Take time to assess whether you're willing to work on rebuilding the relationship and what boundaries you need to establish to feel safe and respected moving forward.

Focus on Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally during this challenging time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and prioritize your well-being.

Ultimately, how you choose to move forward is a deeply personal decision that only you can make. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship built on trust, respect, and mutual love and understanding.

regards,carcombiner

[James]

On 2/11/2024 at 10:59 AM, Greg said:

I feel this is affecting the kids as well as they constantly ask when mom comes back when she is gone and the little one seems to be overwhelmed with the entire situation. This has become very difficult to deal with and I would be thankful for some advice.

Hi @Greg,

This sounds like a very difficult for you and your children, I've been in a similar situation myself.  Here are a few suggestions ...

• Let your children know it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. 
• Be honest with them, explain the situation in a way they can understand.
• Do not bad-mouth your ex, focus on the fact that you both love them and will continue to care for them.
• Maintain routines - ensure you keep regular bedtimes, mealtimes, and activities as much as possible.
• Encourage your children to talk to their mother regularly, even if it's just a phone call or video chat.
• Encourage your children to draw, write, or talk about their feelings.