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I am going through a very messy divorce at the moment and I just don't know who or what to believe. I don't know if I can trust my solicitor or whether she's just telling me what I want to hear and forcing me to spend more money with her (that I haven't got). I wondered if anyone can give me some advice on our financial settlement please? We are due to have our final financial hearing early October and I wondered if anyone can give me an indication of what would be deemed a fair settlement please. My ex is offering me an out of court offer but I really don't think it's fair and reasonable (my solicitor and the law clinic both agree but haven't elaborated on what I should be counter offering) and I don't trust my ex at all. Ex hasn't taken the fact that I've applied for child maintenance kindly and is now refusing to pay the mortgage on the family home he resides in alone to force me into accepting his out of court offer. His family have offered to lend him the money to buy me out and pay off the existing mortgage with only a small amount to be paid back to them each month by him. He knows I can't get blacklisted as I will have to buy/rent further down the line. He doesn't have to worry about that because of his family's money. He won't use the family money to pay the mortgage but is instead forcing me to pay it all. We have two young children who reside with me 60% of the time. We are due to go back to court for the child arrangements in November and he is pushing for 50/50 custody. I have raised serious allegations involving emotional and financial abuse and coercive control for which CAFCASS are going to get involved for. Our financial situations are as follows: Various house valuations last year all said between £300 & £325k. Mortgage outstanding of £175,000 now (offer to me was made at £178k) His offer was: Average house valuation of £312,500 Minus outstanding mortgage £178k Minus early repayment fee and cost of sale (£12k) 50% of equity is £61,250 Minus the difference in our pensions (£4.5k) = £56k offered to me to settle out of court. My ex: Works Full time and earns £33k per annum Lives in the 3 bedroom family home with mortgage of £1000 per month. (Which he now isn't paying) Has approx £5k in debt Pension is £31.5k Pays £210 per month child maintenance but is now not paying any of the mortgage because of this. When he buys me out (and pays off the mortgage) with his family's money he will be mortgage free and paying them back £400 per month Me: Works Part time and earns £24k per annum Rents 2 bedroom flat through a private landlord. Has approx £20k of debt (currently having to pay the mortgage on the family home on my credit card to stop us both getting bad credit). I had to take out a loan of £9k before I moved out to help set up a new home for myself and the children as ex wouldn't allow me to take any household goods with me. A large portion of this loan would be marital debt. Pension is £39k (majority accumulated before marriage as I was on maternity leave with children and then have been part time since). I have a mortgage capacity and can borrow £90k Ex's behaviour has been nothing but awful since separation. Cancelled the mortgage direct debit without talking to the lender to try and negotiate a holiday or reduced amount because he was trying to scare me into accepting his offer. I've contacted the lender and requested an interest only amount (ex has since cancelled this). Surely this shows his intention to scare me into accepting his offer and not because he genuinely can't afford it? He messages once a week to ask me why I applied for CM in the first place and why I didn't leave it how it was (me paying ALL child expenses and him paying the mortgage). He states that he is the children's father and is 'entitled' to 50/50 custody yet thinks I shouldn't have applied for maintenance. He refuses to put the house on the market because he wants to stay there after settlement (by using his family's money) but won't pay off the mortgage before the hearing because he's worried I'll go for 50% of the whole house value instead of just the equity. I've assured him I wouldn't. It's all just a mess. I'm sick of getting into debt but I'm so sick of his coercive control and now this financial abuse that I'm so reluctant to just give in to him. I just don't know what to do for the best and I don't know who I can trust to tell me the truth. Can anyone advise me on what sort of % I might be entitled to? Thank you.

The court will need to know whether conduct needs to be considered as part of the divorce ... Conduct refers to the behaviour of one or both spouses during the marriage or during the divorce proceedings. In the context of divorce, it's one of the factors a court can consider when dividing assets or determining spousal maintenance. Here are a few links What does conduct actually mean in divorce law? Examining Conduct in Financial Remedy Cases What is the Meaning of Conduct in Form E of Divorce? When is Conduct Considered? Crucially, the court will only consider conduct if it's extremely serious and has a significant impact on the financial situation. It's not enough to simply cite adultery or unreasonable behaviour as grounds for divorce to automatically influence the financial settlement. Types of Conduct Generally, there are two main types of conduct considered by the court: Financial misconduct: This includes actions like hiding assets, wasting marital assets, or incurring unnecessary debts. Personal misconduct: This is typically limited to extreme cases of abuse, violence, or other serious misconduct that has had a profound impact on the financial situation. The High Bar for Conduct It's important to note that the court sets a very high bar for conduct to be considered. The misconduct must be so egregious that it would be unfair to ignore it when dividing assets. Seeking Legal Advice If you believe your spouse's conduct might be relevant to your divorce settlement, it's crucial to consult with a family law attorney. They can assess the specific circumstances of your case and advise you on whether pursuing a conduct argument is likely to be successful. Yes, that makes sense given you have young children to look after Yes, I guess that could be an option seeing as you still partly own the house and the children need to be housed. Was there a reason you moved out to start with ?

Thank you Noah! My ex has gone for the bare minimum (as he would) and is only choosing to include the things that suits him (my pension being slightly higher than his for instance). He is not taking into consideration anything else - debt, his mortgage capacity being much better, me having the children more, his salary being higher, his despicable behaviour and how it's forcing me into more debt which will lower my mortgage capacity. I genuinely think that he was so certain that I would accept his offer that he hasn't thought about what the consequences would be of doing it. I'm really hoping that the judge will see this. He is going for 50/50 child custody but we have another dispute resolution hearing in October as well, so at the final financial hearing in October it will still be 50/50. Thank you for your advice Noah!

Hi Tanya, You didn't state what his mortgage capacity is, the court will need to know this so they can work out what's fair. Also you didn't state your ages, mortgage capacity will be based on your ages as well and what the maximum term you could borrow against. If he earns more than you and has a higher mortgage capacity you will likely end up with more equity than him. The court may want to see you both maximise your earning potential as well so I'm not sure whether this is an option for you or him. I believe all the debts will be shared as well, so effectively £25k will be taken off the total pot before it's split, but you will need a solicitor to confirm. Presumably this is all on your Form Es. On the face of it I would think you should get more than 50% of the total equity so you have enough deposit and can afford your monthly payments. Will you be buying a house or are you intending to rent ?