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Financial settlement is complex and every case is different, below is a list of things to consider - as you can see it's not just about the equity in the house! From what I've read the court will seek a fair settlement and therefore this doesn't always mean 50/50 ... Children (highest priority) Do you have children under 18 and/or still in education How long have you been married? Earning Capacity Do you have a similar earning capacity to your spouse? Are you financially dependant on your spouse or partner Property Do either of you own a property or properties? Savings Do either of you have savings or investments? Pensions Do either of you have a pension? Debts Do either of you have any debts or liabilities? Investments Do either of you have any interests in overseas assets? Businesses Do either of you have an interest in a business? Do you have a pre or post nuptial agreement? Please note this is not a complete list, there are others, this is a link to all of the official legal factors (UK) https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1973/18/section/25 Also this is the best & clearest guide I've found so far (UK) https://www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-financial-settlement-on-divorce/

Hi everyone, I've only just joined and so I haven't read through all the posts here yet. Sorry if I'm repeating any details already posted, I was reading this good FAQ about properties & mortgages earlier which may be useful to you https://www.mortgageadvicebureau.com/buying-a-property/divorce-day-faqs-for-property-post-divorce/

These are useful, if it is necessary to involve the Court in resolving your financial matters these articles describe the financial order timetable, including the FDA, FDR & if required a Final Hearing Financial Order Timetable (Curzon Green) What to expect at a financial dispute resolution (FDR) hearing (Miles & Partners) It covers the following stages Filing application for a Financial Order Steps leading up to the First Appointment Fist Directions Appointment (FDA) Financial Dispute Resolution Hearing (FDR) Final Hearing Court Order @James it might be worth adding this to your list of links?

Thanks @Joanna, already have 🙂 ...

I found these divorce case studies, has anyone found any other useful examples? https://www.cwj.co.uk/site/individualservices/family/case-studies/ https://www.lawdonut.co.uk/personal/divorce-and-family-law/divorce-process/typical-divorces https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/family-law-case-studies-2016/divorce-case-study-financial-settlement-on-family-home/

Hi everyone, I thought I would post this interesting article about 50/50 shared parenting, I think it's really important a child spends the same amount of time with each parent https://timtab.com/50-50-custody-benefits-why-shared-parenting-important/

I am going through a very messy divorce at the moment and I just don't know who or what to believe. I don't know if I can trust my solicitor or whether she's just telling me what I want to hear and forcing me to spend more money with her (that I haven't got). I wondered if anyone can give me some advice on our financial settlement please? We are due to have our final financial hearing early October and I wondered if anyone can give me an indication of what would be deemed a fair settlement please. My ex is offering me an out of court offer but I really don't think it's fair and reasonable (my solicitor and the law clinic both agree but haven't elaborated on what I should be counter offering) and I don't trust my ex at all. Ex hasn't taken the fact that I've applied for child maintenance kindly and is now refusing to pay the mortgage on the family home he resides in alone to force me into accepting his out of court offer. His family have offered to lend him the money to buy me out and pay off the existing mortgage with only a small amount to be paid back to them each month by him. He knows I can't get blacklisted as I will have to buy/rent further down the line. He doesn't have to worry about that because of his family's money. He won't use the family money to pay the mortgage but is instead forcing me to pay it all. We have two young children who reside with me 60% of the time. We are due to go back to court for the child arrangements in November and he is pushing for 50/50 custody. I have raised serious allegations involving emotional and financial abuse and coercive control for which CAFCASS are going to get involved for. Our financial situations are as follows: Various house valuations last year all said between £300 & £325k. Mortgage outstanding of £175,000 now (offer to me was made at £178k) His offer was: Average house valuation of £312,500 Minus outstanding mortgage £178k Minus early repayment fee and cost of sale (£12k) 50% of equity is £61,250 Minus the difference in our pensions (£4.5k) = £56k offered to me to settle out of court. My ex: Works Full time and earns £33k per annum Lives in the 3 bedroom family home with mortgage of £1000 per month. (Which he now isn't paying) Has approx £5k in debt Pension is £31.5k Pays £210 per month child maintenance but is now not paying any of the mortgage because of this. When he buys me out (and pays off the mortgage) with his family's money he will be mortgage free and paying them back £400 per month Me: Works Part time and earns £24k per annum Rents 2 bedroom flat through a private landlord. Has approx £20k of debt (currently having to pay the mortgage on the family home on my credit card to stop us both getting bad credit). I had to take out a loan of £9k before I moved out to help set up a new home for myself and the children as ex wouldn't allow me to take any household goods with me. A large portion of this loan would be marital debt. Pension is £39k (majority accumulated before marriage as I was on maternity leave with children and then have been part time since). I have a mortgage capacity and can borrow £90k Ex's behaviour has been nothing but awful since separation. Cancelled the mortgage direct debit without talking to the lender to try and negotiate a holiday or reduced amount because he was trying to scare me into accepting his offer. I've contacted the lender and requested an interest only amount (ex has since cancelled this). Surely this shows his intention to scare me into accepting his offer and not because he genuinely can't afford it? He messages once a week to ask me why I applied for CM in the first place and why I didn't leave it how it was (me paying ALL child expenses and him paying the mortgage). He states that he is the children's father and is 'entitled' to 50/50 custody yet thinks I shouldn't have applied for maintenance. He refuses to put the house on the market because he wants to stay there after settlement (by using his family's money) but won't pay off the mortgage before the hearing because he's worried I'll go for 50% of the whole house value instead of just the equity. I've assured him I wouldn't. It's all just a mess. I'm sick of getting into debt but I'm so sick of his coercive control and now this financial abuse that I'm so reluctant to just give in to him. I just don't know what to do for the best and I don't know who I can trust to tell me the truth. Can anyone advise me on what sort of % I might be entitled to? Thank you.

The court will need to know whether conduct needs to be considered as part of the divorce ... Conduct refers to the behaviour of one or both spouses during the marriage or during the divorce proceedings. In the context of divorce, it's one of the factors a court can consider when dividing assets or determining spousal maintenance. Here are a few links What does conduct actually mean in divorce law? Examining Conduct in Financial Remedy Cases What is the Meaning of Conduct in Form E of Divorce? When is Conduct Considered? Crucially, the court will only consider conduct if it's extremely serious and has a significant impact on the financial situation. It's not enough to simply cite adultery or unreasonable behaviour as grounds for divorce to automatically influence the financial settlement. Types of Conduct Generally, there are two main types of conduct considered by the court: Financial misconduct: This includes actions like hiding assets, wasting marital assets, or incurring unnecessary debts. Personal misconduct: This is typically limited to extreme cases of abuse, violence, or other serious misconduct that has had a profound impact on the financial situation. The High Bar for Conduct It's important to note that the court sets a very high bar for conduct to be considered. The misconduct must be so egregious that it would be unfair to ignore it when dividing assets. Seeking Legal Advice If you believe your spouse's conduct might be relevant to your divorce settlement, it's crucial to consult with a family law attorney. They can assess the specific circumstances of your case and advise you on whether pursuing a conduct argument is likely to be successful. Yes, that makes sense given you have young children to look after Yes, I guess that could be an option seeing as you still partly own the house and the children need to be housed. Was there a reason you moved out to start with ?

Thank you Noah! My ex has gone for the bare minimum (as he would) and is only choosing to include the things that suits him (my pension being slightly higher than his for instance). He is not taking into consideration anything else - debt, his mortgage capacity being much better, me having the children more, his salary being higher, his despicable behaviour and how it's forcing me into more debt which will lower my mortgage capacity. I genuinely think that he was so certain that I would accept his offer that he hasn't thought about what the consequences would be of doing it. I'm really hoping that the judge will see this. He is going for 50/50 child custody but we have another dispute resolution hearing in October as well, so at the final financial hearing in October it will still be 50/50. Thank you for your advice Noah!

Hi Tanya, You didn't state what his mortgage capacity is, the court will need to know this so they can work out what's fair. Also you didn't state your ages, mortgage capacity will be based on your ages as well and what the maximum term you could borrow against. If he earns more than you and has a higher mortgage capacity you will likely end up with more equity than him. The court may want to see you both maximise your earning potential as well so I'm not sure whether this is an option for you or him. I believe all the debts will be shared as well, so effectively £25k will be taken off the total pot before it's split, but you will need a solicitor to confirm. Presumably this is all on your Form Es. On the face of it I would think you should get more than 50% of the total equity so you have enough deposit and can afford your monthly payments. Will you be buying a house or are you intending to rent ?

In a UK divorce, one spouse cannot directly force the other to lower the asking price of a jointly owned house. Mutual Agreement Preferred The courts in the UK generally encourage divorcing couples to reach a mutually agreeable solution regarding the sale of the marital home whenever possible. Court Intervention If an agreement can't be reached, either spouse can apply to the court for a Property Adjustment Order. This order can include forcing the sale of the house. Court's Decision on Price The court doesn't directly set a forced sale price. However, they will consider factors like market value, outstanding mortgage, and a fair division of assets when determining if a sale is necessary and dividing the proceeds. While the court can't dictate the asking price, they can influence the outcome by potentially ordering a sale that reflects a realistic market value.

This article describes whether a parent can move their child away from the other parent https://vardags.com/faq/divorce/can-my-ex-partner-move-away-with-our-children

This is a great overview of Spousal Maintenance by Sarah Jackson https://www.blbsolicitors.co.uk/blog/spousal-maintenance-how-much-and-for-how-long/ It covers the following What is Spousal Maintenance? What is the difference between spousal maintenance and child maintenance? The law regarding Spousal Maintenance Would the court order Spousal Maintenance in your case & if so for how long? Calculating Spousal Maintenance Maintenance Pending Suit Capitalising Spousal Maintenance What is Nominal Maintenance? Future bonus payments Protecting Spousal Maintenance payments

I was just looking into this myself and thought I would share this information ... The destination of the money from selling your house before a financial settlement depends on the situation Held by a solicitor or third party In most cases, the proceeds won't be directly handed to you or your ex-partner.A solicitor or a designated account will hold the money securely until a financial agreement is reached regarding how it should be divided. This agreement can be a consent order approved by the court or a formal mediation settlement. https://www.soldnest.com/blog/selling-house-during-divorce/ Used to pay off joint debts If there's agreement, some of the money might be used to settle any outstanding joint debts, simplifying the financial picture during the settlement process. Less common scenario In rare cases, if both parties agree completely on the division and there are no complexities, the proceeds might be directly split after accounting for any selling costs. However, this is not the norm and comes with risks. Court Order If an agreement can't be reached, a court may intervene and issue an order specifying how the proceeds are split. This could involve factors like outstanding debts, the value of other assets, and any existing agreements about the house https://www.arnoldsmithlaw.com/how-do-i-stop-my-spouse-from-selling-our-assets-prior-to-a-divor.html Agreed Upon Temporary Solution There's a possibility of a temporary solution where a portion of the money is accessible for immediate needs, like legal fees or finding a new place to live. This would still require both parties' consent. https://divorce.com/blog/selling-house-before-divorce/ As always it's important to discuss this with a solicitor to get proper legal advice Ensures fair division A professional can help ensure an equitable division of the proceeds considering factors like the initial investment of each party and any outstanding mortgage. Protects your rights Having a formal agreement protects your rights and avoids any future disputes about the money. It's generally advisable to finalise the financial settlement before or alongside selling the house. This helps avoid complications and delays in receiving your share of the proceeds.

I'm hoping for a bit of advice please. My husband and I separated 2 years ago and I moved out of the family home 14 months ago. I am renting privately and my husband is still in the family home paying the mortgage. We are due to attend court for our final financial hearing in October. We have two young boys who are residing with me 60/40. We have little assets. Our home which has been valued at £315000 with a mortgage of £168000 left. Our pensions are very similar. Mine is £39k, his is £30k. He has made me an offer of 50% of the house equity minus the early repayment fee and the cost of sale. He is also taking 50% of the difference in our pensions (£4.5k minus cost to get pension statements). He has been lent money from his family to buy me out and pay off the remainder of the mortgage. He is now telling me that he is struggling financially and can't afford to pay the mortgage anymore. He has stopped the mortgage direct debit and says that unless I accept his offer out of court, he will default and we will both have bad credit going forward. I suppose he's not bothered because he has his family's money and won't need a mortgage or to rent if he buys me out but I will need to. This has ovbiously scared me and I have spoken to the lender who have advised me that we can switch to an interest only mortgage for the next 6 months and that will take us (almost!) up to the court hearing, but my husband has to agree. I've spoken to him and told him this but he is refusing and says if I change it to an interest only mortgage he will cancel it. I am completely stuck and don't know what to do. He's essentially trying to bully me into accepting with the threat of defaulting. He has access to his family's money but won't use it to pay the mortgage until the hearing and is saying that we have to put it up for a quick sale (below lowest valuation) so I will essentially get less than what he's offering so it's in my best interest to accept. What can I do in this position? My Dad has offered to lend me the money to buy him out but I know he will refuse this straight away. What happens if both parties want to buy each other out but one is saying he now can't afford to pay the mortgage? Will the court order us to sell to a 3rd party or say I can buy him out (even if he refuses)? Any advice would be greatly appreciated please. Thank you!

Here are a couple of great articles about finances & splitting assets when you get divorced https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/sorting-out-your-finances-when-you-get-divorced https://www.divorce-online.co.uk/blog/splitting-assets-in-divorce/

Hi James, thanks, I also found this guide about settlement https://www.acclaimedfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/divorce-settlement-what-am-i-entitled-to/ Perhaps you can add all these links to this pinned post?

Hi again, I've just remembered what I meant by 'legal term', it's not a term as such it's whether you wish to pursue a 'conduct case' ... A conduct case in UK law refers to a situation where someone's behaviour is argued to be a factor in determining financial settlements, particularly during divorce proceedings. Legislation: The main principle comes from Section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 [Section 25 conduct argument]. It allows the court to consider the "conduct of each of the parties" when dividing financial resources after a divorce. Threshold for Consideration: Not all bad behaviour qualifies. The conduct needs to be so severe that ignoring it would be unfair. Courts look at case history to determine this threshold. Types of Conduct: There are two main categories: Financial Misconduct: This involves deliberately wasting marital assets or hiding them. Personal Misconduct: This is trickier. Examples include adultery in some cases, but the bar is high. Impact on Settlements: If successful, proven misconduct can influence how assets are divided. The innocent party may receive a larger share to compensate for the other's actions. Hope this helps.

Oh my gosh, thank you Joanna. I have never heard of an MPS so I will look into it. As I've said above he's essentially going to have the payment of the mortgage (almost £1k) sitting in his bank if he continues to refuse to pay it so surely this will be enough to prove he can pay me this. He's also got access to the money from his family (and can use it at any point) so surely this will show he can afford it. He told me yesterday that if the court orders the house to be sold he will buy it anyway. Is he able to do this? Considering he's claiming he can't afford the mortgage. I really don't know where his head is at at the moment. It's almost as if he feels like he's losing control (of me I mean) and he's not liking it. In terms of his offer, I'm not sure it is fair. He's split the equity 50/50 but also only taken into consideration pensions (because mine is higher) so is claiming 50% of that as well. He's not including anything else which will be in my favour - debt, the fact the children are with me more, the fact he earns more than me, both our mortgage capacity. Just literally equity and pensions. He's picking and choosing what to include. I have made a counter offer which left pensions out of it and just 50/50 of the equity but he's saying that it's 'his right by law' to be able to have some of my pension and that his family's money will only cover the amount he's offered (which I think is a lie, again to try and force me into accepting his offer). He is the most stubborn person I know and I really hope this comes around to bite him in the bum. I think the technical term is coercive control or financial/economy abuse. I have been researching and it explains a lot about what he's doing. He was like this in the marriage as well but it has gotten a whole lot worse since separation (I suppose he's disliking the fact that he's unable to do it anymore).

Hi, you may be able to apply to the court for a financial order and include an application for a Maintenance Pending Suit (MPS) which might allow you to get some maintenance from him to cover the mortgage, until an order can be made for the house to be sold. A few more details I found ... An MPS is meant to provide temporary financial support to a spouse during divorce proceedings, specifically for meeting their immediate needs while a final settlement is reached. A court order is required for MPS. You'd need to apply and convince the judge of your financial hardship and your ex-spouse's ability to contribute. Courts typically don't allow MPS payments to go directly to a third party like a mortgage lender. The money is paid to you to manage your expenses. If the MPS covers your essential living expenses, it may frees up your own funds to potentially contribute towards the mortgage. MPS is meant to be short-term until the divorce is finalized. The court prioritizes meeting your basic needs, not necessarily covering the entire mortgage. It sounds like the house does need to be sold. as you say he's now playing on this, I would try not to give too much away but I know its difficult, I'm always being too open and honest and have learnt I need to put a filter on certain discussions - at least until the divorce is complete. I guess he is trying to buy you out as you suggested, it's just that you're not happy with the 50/50 split is that correct? Have you countered his offer, does he reject anymore than 50%? In the end both of you will have to compromise and if you really can't agree a judge will do so on your behalf (which may not give either of you what you want). I think it's up to the judge to decide what is fair not him (if it can't be agreed between you out of court). Also you are saying its not fair so why should his word be taken and not yours. And no you are not being difficult at all. This does sound like he's trying to control you financially which is a serious issue, there is a legal term for this which I can't remember but I will try find out - a family solicitor can definitely advise on this issue but obviously comes at a cost to prepare necessary paperwork unless this is something you can do yourself I'm not sure.

Thank you so much. I ALWAYS keep my replies to him short and to the point but I never retaliate. He is constantly throwing threats at me (not about causing physical harm to me) but more threats about what will happen if I don't do this, or I don't do that. I keep EVERYTHING!

Thank you everyone for all your advice. Today has been awful. So since telling me that because I've applied for child maintenance (£170pm) he can't pay the mortgage and has been sending email on email trying to force me to accept his out of court offer. He's not spoken to the lender to try and negotiate and has just cancelled the direct debit for the mortgage. I have spoken to the lender and changed to an interest only mortgage. My husband doesn't know this yet but has said that he will cancel this if I do this. He's not interested in an interest only mortgage as he can't afford to pay the mortgage and wants to sell. I have always been keen for him to stay in the house and if he can buy me out and stay there then that'll be less upheaval for the boys. He knows this and has been using it against me emotionally. Fast forward to yesterday when I just had enough of all the abuse and said "ok, put the house on the market". We'll sell the house and the proceeds will stay with the solicitor until the court hearing. He was obviously shocked and he has lost his head. He has been stating all along that he can't afford to pay the mortgage and wants to sell, now I've given him permission to put it on the market he's refusing. He's now saying that he's happy to wait until October for the court case and he will be sure to tell the judge that his offer is "fair and reasonable" and I'm being the difficult one with not accepting (more threats). He's told me that unless I don't want to be blacklisted he'd advise me to start paying the mortgage. He knows this isn't an option (unless I put it on my credit card) because I'm paying my own rent elsewhere (over £1k per month). He is trying to force me to accept his offer (which I don't think is fair) by saying he can't afford the mortgage and needs to sell. I've said ok and he's now refusing saying he'll sit there and not pay the mortgage until the court hearing. He's such an awful person. I really don't know that to do. Surely this is financial abuse and coercion?

Are you either of you able to increase your income or have you reached the ceiling of what you can earn - either in your current company / role or re-training? I assume your job has to work around the children with school drop-off / pick-up and attending various appointment etc. does he (or can he) share this or does it all fall on you? Any savings I did have are quickly disappearing through legal fees, sadly I can't see how anyone ends up with any substantial savings after divorce 😞 It's the children I feel for the most as this has a direct impact on them longer term. The debts will be added together and effectively shared / taken out of the overall pot (is my assumption based on Form E discussions I've had), i.e. the debts are part of what was built up during the marriage. Any debts built up since filing for divorce I would hope would only affect that person but I could be wrong. 60% sounds more reasonable to me given his larger salary and you having the children 60% of the time. For the sake of 10% you could just move on with your life but only you can decide whether that is worth pushing for. I was thinking about your situation yesterday evening and I think if it was me I would take a 10% hit if it meant I didn't get blacklisted, however that is giving into this threat which feels wrong. The other thing is depending on how long this drags on for you may end up eventually spending a lot on legal fees. For me the on-going stress just isn't worth it anymore, you can't put a price on health.

I think age plays a part with pension as does current & future earning capacity (i.e. how much you will both be able to build up in your pot until retirement). All I know is that all the finances as a whole will be taken into consideration, its quite complex which is why there is no online calculator for all this (apart from child maintenance which is separate). Oh I wasn't aware you could apply for a free sharing report each year, that's good to know, thanks. I'm still waiting for a pension report which is taking 6+ weeks to prepare (not sure why, also very costly) - I guess the report will lay out all the options to us as to how we split pots etc. Will let you know what it provides when I receive it. I think it may be possible to retain some of maybe all your pension contributions pre-marriage. This doesn't really apply for me as most of the pots were built up post marriage. I honestly don't know what the court will think about him stopping his pension payments, I believe this may be up to him what he does with his income especially after divorce. I've been told it's none of my business what my ex spends her money on now. That said the court will simple take into account his P60 and net income, if that's gone up as he's no longer paying into a pension then that is potentially more maintenance he can pay you (if you have a shortfall in paying your core bills). Please don't take any of this as gospel it's just my thoughts and findings as I work through this process myself. It will be interesting to review these posts in a few years from now and see how things actually panned out.

Don't let him pressure you into accepting anything, I certainly wouldn't give in because of a threat, that is just making his own case weaker IMO. I don't know whether you will end up with more than 50% however the court will weigh up everything based on multiple factors and try and reach a fair settlement (if you two can't agree between yourselves) - it's possible you end up with more equity if he has more pension (example only), the starting point is 50/50 and they divert from this where it's necessary (e.g. you physically don't have enough income to meet you new rent or mortgage payment, or provide for the children etc.) - any surplus money he has will then be split with you (I think, I don't know anything of this for a fact as my own divorce isn't yet finalised and we need to be careful about comparing each others' cases of course as our situations are different).

I'm no expert however this is what I've discovered a while ago via the web, my own solicitor also briefly touched on some of these (my marriage is classed a long) In UK divorces, the length of the marriage plays a significant role in how assets are divided during the settlement. Some differences between short & long marriages; Short Marriages (in general less than 5 years) Focus on Contributions: Courts typically prioritize the financial contributions each spouse made during the marriage. Equal Split of Marital Assets: Assets acquired jointly during the marriage (marital pot) are often divided equally (50/50). Pre-marital Assets: Assets brought into the marriage by either party are likely returned to the original owner. Clean Break: A clean break settlement is more achievable, meaning each spouse walks away financially independent. Long Marriages (in general more than 5 years) Focus on Needs: The court considers both parties' needs for financial security, especially the potentially weaker-earning spouse. Equal Split More Likely: There's a stronger chance of an equal or near-equal division of all assets, regardless of who brought them into the marriage. Intermingling of Assets: Over time, assets might become intertwined, making it harder to distinguish pre-marital from marital property. Needs may be met by dividing all assets, not just marital ones. Key Points to Remember: The 5-year mark is a general guideline, not a strict rule. The court considers the specific circumstances of each case. If children are involved, their needs become a crucial factor in the settlement, regardless of the marriage length. Pre-nuptial agreements can significantly influence the division of assets, especially in longer marriages. Obviously it's important to get your own legal advice as everyone situation is different and there are always exceptions to certain 'rules'

Yes I've felt this myself, its' so frustrating that through no fault of my own the court may decide shared parenting won't work and award me less time with my children - all because my ex is going out of her way to make things difficult and not communicate key appointments & events etc. It's also frustrating as I can't get myself added to all communication directly from schools, doctors, dentists etc. as they are only allowed 1 parent or primary carer on the system! It's a real shame that the children can be used for financial gain, it doesn't feel like the legal system should allow this. The problem is its impossible to prove someone's motives. As you say though you would hope the court will see through this. I will reply to your other points a bit later ...

Thank you so much for all this Peter. I'll go over the few questions you have... Children - the 60/40 this is an arrangement we've made between ourselves at the moment but it's sort of semi formal in the fact that we achieved it through mediation. We have a dispute resolution having coming up in a few weeks where I will be raising his behaviour as a major issue. It is so so difficult trying to co-parent with someone like him. He is going for 50/50 but I'm not sure how he will be able to pay to put our children into childcare for the extra day he will have them if he can't afford to pay the mortgage at the moment. I'm not saying that he doesn't want his children but I think the financial gain (in the fact that he won't have to give me any maintenance) is a major factor in him going for 50/50. I hope the court will see this. Marriage - what is the difference in a 'short ' or 'long' marriage. How does it affect settlement? House - we have taken all fees (early repayment fee, cost of sale) into the figures. His offer is literally offering me 50% of the equity that's left and him taking 50% (the difference in our pensions) off. His offer of course isn't taking anything else into it. Why would it? He's so sure I'll accept it, but more so now because he's stopped paying the mortgage and trying to force me to. Pensions - so if my pension is worth more than his it's not like they will say ok, 50/50 equity, 50/50 of the difference in our pensions. They will add everything up and make the division after everything has been taken into consideration? My solicitor said that we can apply for one pension sharing report a year and it's free so I should be ok to do that. Another thing is that the majority of my pension was accumulated before we got married because I then went on maternity leave and part time (I'm still part time now). Whereas his has been constant and risen drastically since his promotion last year. If he has indeed stopped his pension payments like he's stating he has (because he can't afford the mortgage) will the court not see what he's doing? Debts - yes, I understand. So we have approx. £25k in total between us so that will likely be split 50/50? 60/40 is encouraging and makes me think that settling with him out of court is the poor option. Especially with his recent behavior regarding me applying for child maintenance and then refusing to pay the mortgage because of it (even though he's the only one residing there). His aim is to buy me out with money lent to him from his family so the issue of being blacklisted I don't think is phasing him. He won't need a mortgage or to rent but knows I will down the line. Another tactic he is trying to get me to accept his offer. I think my only option is to ask him to put the house on the market, get the proceeds and wait for the court to decide come October. Thank you so much for all your advice. When I've got him telling me that I should be accepting his fair and reasonable offer and then behaving like an imbecile, it's hard to believe him. I really appreciate your advice.

A few more comments ... Children - Let's start with the most important thing, the children. We have 2 young sons who reside with me 60% of the time. Has this been agreed with him, is this just an agreement between you or do you have a formal child arrangements order. If its not strict 50/50 then he will need to pay you child maintenance (https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance) We have been married for 7 years. I could be wrong but anything over 10 years may be considered a 'long marriage', this I think can have a bearing on the settlement but I'm not too sure. House - our house has a mortgage on it. Based at the current valuation we're looking at around £110k equity at present. I made the mistake of thinking 50% of the equity was effectively cash in my pocket, however a) it may not be 50% (could be more or less, depending on how it all balances out) and b) there are other costs which need to be paid out of this (legal fees, estate agent fees, moving costs, stamp duty on new house if buying etc.) Pensions - when we got these valued last year mine was around £8k more than his, but since then I'm working part time and my husband has been given a promotion and with it a hefty contribution from his employers each month. He would have overtaken mine by the court hearing in October but his current offer to me is including him taking £4k of my pension. He's trying to get me to accept his offer so he's since also told me that he's stopped paying into his pension (I'm not sure I believe him) so he claims the gap will be bigger come October. It may be they offset it and give you more house equity and him more pension, or vice-versa, i.e. they will try and balance across all assets after all liabilities - unless of course he earns significantly more than you in which case you could end up with 60/40 or even 70/30 across all assets (although not sure if that is still a thing these days, all depends on your specific case) Have you had a pension sharing report, they are quite expensive unfortunately but the court may want to see this - I guess they will advise on this Earning capacity - he works full time and is on £32k per year. I work part time and am on £24k due to having the children more. They are still very young. ok I guess you're not a million miles away in what you both earn so hopefully you're able to both support yourselves without a huge amount of maintenance, perhaps this is why the judge made his / her comment about the house being the most important consideration. You definitely don't want to burn 10s of 1000s on legal fees, hopefully he understands this as well. Debts - we both have credit cards and loans. His totals approx £5.5k. Mine totals approx £20k. I think they will consider all debts as effectively 1 shared pot which will be deducted from your combined assets before they are split - i.e. you wont have 15k less after 50/50 split. I may be wrong but this would make sense to me - can anyone else confirm? I moved out of the family home and he wouldn't allow me to take any of the furniture. I'd valve that all at around £10k. (Not sure they take that into consideration). I know they take into consideration items worth over £500. On the Form E there is also a section where you state what you need to re-house yourself, items & cost - it may be you need more equity to buy furniture when he doesnt as he's already got it all. The section is there for a reason just make sure you've filled it in but as with all the sections its important to fill it in accurately and not ask for an unreasonable amount otherwise this will be question and will delay things further resulting in more cost & stress to you! That's about it really. I did an online divorce calculator and it came back that I would be entitled to around 60%. I'm just trying to work out if it's worth me sticking out until the court hearing in October considering the antics he's currently playing with not paying the mortgage. It's so stressful. Part of me wants to just settle and get rid of him (but I know I'll never be fully rid) 😞 From everything you've said I would say 60% (minimum) sounds fair to me, would you be happy with this? I hope that him not paying the mortgage ends up only affecting him and not you or the children 🙏 It is so stressful now but it will definitely get sorted out at some point, just try and picture your future self looking at you now and telling you not to worry or stress as this is *temporary* 🙏 Settling quickly is one option just to get on with your life, but as others have said don't do anything rash which you will very likely regret later in life It sounds like you've done everything perfectly so far, just keep on doing what you're doing 🙏

That is really surprising, my understanding is that the house is certainly not the only consideration which is precisely why all of the documents need to be gathered so you / your solicitor / the judge can make an informed decision and work out what is fair for you both. Things like who the primary carer will be, whether your earning capacity can be increased, mortgage capacity, whether one of you is closer to retirement than the other, whether any maintenance needs to be paid & for how long, whether either of you are likely to relocate or remarry anytime soon etc. As you say £10k may not be a lot of money for some people (e.g. a Judge) but it is a lot of money to others, which is also why people can often end up representing themselves in court, so save on £10k per hearing!

Hello Peter, Thank you so much for this info. I was going to post and ask about the final financial hearing and what they take into consideration. As you know from the other post , I am having difficulties agreeing a fair settlement with my husband before our court hearing in October. When myself and my husband attended the first financial hearing the judge implied that the only thing that we have to take into consideration is the house and that nothing else was worth discussing. I was really shocked at this. They said that fighting over £10k here or £10k wasn't worth it as they deal with parties who own millions. I was really disappointed to hear this. Yes, we don't have a lot but £10k is a hell of a lot of money for both of us. I wondered if anyone could help me on what they think the court may decide in our situation please? Children - Let's start with the most important thing, the children. We have 2 young sons who reside with me 60% of the time. We have been married for 7 years. House - our house has a mortgage on it. Based at the current valuation we're looking at around £110k equity at present. Pensions - when we got these valued last year mine was around £8k more than his, but since then I'm working part time and my husband has been given a promotion and with it a hefty contribution from his employers each month. He would have overtaken mine by the court hearing in October but his current offer to me is including him taking £4k of my pension. He's trying to get me to accept his offer so he's since also told me that he's stopped paying into his pension (I'm not sure I believe him) so he claims the gap will be bigger come October. Earning capacity - he works full time and is on £32k per year. I work part time and am on £24k due to having the children more. They are still very young. Savings - we both don't have any savings. Debts - we both have credit cards and loans. His totals approx £5.5k. Mine totals approx £20k. I moved out of the family home and he wouldn't allow me to take any of the furniture. I'd valve that all at around £10k. (Not sure they take that into consideration). That's about it really. I did an online divorce calculator and it came back that I would be entitled to around 60%. I'm just trying to work out if it's worth me sticking out until the court hearing in October considering the antics he's currently playing with not paying the mortgage. It's so stressful. Part of me wants to just settle and get rid of him (but I know I'll never be fully rid) 😞 Thank you!

Hi again, I would take his family's money out of the equation, you would have a claim on the current equity regardless - it sounds like the house needs to be put on the market regardless but as Joanna says I wouldn't agree to any house valuation, or putting it on the market & certainly no sale until a solicitor has confirmed what your options are. It's a horrible situation to be in. Was this a long marriage? this also has a bearing on any settlement. As a worst case scenario, say he did stop paying and the house was repossessed - the council would then need to provide you and the children with suitable temporary accommodation and you would then get benefits to allow you rent somewhere. I wouldn't engage with him directly anymore, I would only negotiate via a professional mediator or solicitor.

It's sounding more and more like you only option is to go to court, don't just roll over and give in, a bad decision may affect you for the rest of your life. I guess in hindsight you could have applied to the CMS immediately, was there a reason for delaying this? It sounds like he's expecting to keep the house (and maybe even mortgage free) but is happy for you to rent or have a mortgage until retirement, doesn't sound very fair or based on future needs at all. Yes you're right it's incredibly messy for anyone in this situation, it starts off all friendly and then quickly changes once money is at stake, it's a real shame it all comes down to this. In an ideal world the children are put first and it shouldn't matter whether one party comes out worse than the other - in reality though both parents IMO need to be healthy & not struggling to make ends meet otherwise this will directly impact the children. That's completely understandable. My situtation is great (no one's is) but yours is worse and I really feel for you. Please keep me posted on how it's going, sorry I can't offer any solid advice, I'm trying to do a lot of research myself and it's difficult as there is so much conflicting information out of the web. No I don't feel prepared at all for my hearing, despite having long delays and you would think plenty of time to understand my options ...

The offer he's offering you may in fact be a lot less than you're actually entitled to. Whilst I wouldn't heavily discount the value of the property for a quick sale you do need to weigh up the pros & cons of delaying it. I would definitely not agree to any house sale or deal he offers without getting at least some initial advice from a solicitor, you may well find out you have more options than you initially realised. Are you going to mediation at all or did that fall through? The mediator can also suggest suitable options and they are there to get you 2 talking. Meditation unfortunately failed miserably for me and ended up being a waste of time (after 8 sessions) as we were too far apart in what we both wanted. The court will want to see (& need proof) that you both tried mediation, they will ask for a certificate.

Won't it be an upheaval for them anyway if you move, or are you intending to keep renting? Are you buying a house once you receive your share of the equity, in which case you and the children will need to move anyway. I wouldn't let him play on that at all. Depending on the funds available it may not be possible for him to remain in the house anyway, the court may deem you require a much larger share of the property equity to the point where his family can't cover the current mortgage dept and your pay-off. The court will look at all savings, investments, debts, current salaries, earning potential, skills, age, pensions, current & future expected monthly bills etc. etc. they will determine what you both need to live on going forwards and your future needs - focusing primarily on what the children require.

Hi Tanya, It's understandable you're trying to keep the solicitor fees to a minimum, the problem is that if it's a contested divorce and drags out it could cost you more in the long run if you don't get early advice. I’m pleased you have everything in writing, his behaviour won't come across as very acceptable to the court. The best you can do is what you’re already doing: inform the mortgage company you’re willing to work with them & cover the interest payment. I would have thought they are better off with receiving some money rather than nothing, but if it’s a joint mortgage it may not be possible unless both of you agree due to the way contracts work. The mortgage company must have delt with this situation before many times, they should be able to clarify your options, perhaps explain you have a court hearing coming up - they may be able to offer you a payment holiday for a few months. Perhaps being the primary carer for your 2 children works in your favour as well. I’m not sure how the blacklisting works and whether you can get the court to order you are taken off that list at a later date. Are you going to represent yourself at court? There is quite a lot of paperwork which needs to get sorted out beforehand, i.e. its not just the legal advice which your solicitor will offer. Do you know whether he’s recently lost his job or something, it’s not clear why he was able to pay the mortgage before but not now?

Hi Peter, Thank you for your reply. Yes we have both completed a form E each. He was ok financially (better than myself) with the figures he supplied. He didn't include his family's loan in his current assets - he's saying that he will get the money from them once I've agreed on his offer. But the amount he can get from them is only the amount he is offering me. So if I don't agree to it, he will have to give the money back and put the house on the market. He's trying to bully me I know but I just can't get blacklisted and have bad credit. If he buys me out with his family's money he knows that he won't need credit, whereas I will. I'm stuck!

Hello Joanna, Thank you so much for your reply. It really is an awful time at the moment and I'm trying to research as much as possible to keep solicitor fees down but it's proving difficult. Fortunately for me he can't communicate with me face to face so everything is all in texts which of course I have kept. I have everything in writing. I have him saying he can't afford to pay the mortgage so has literally just stopped the direct debit for it with the bank, instead of speaking to them and negotiating something he can afford. I have him refusing to allow me to change it to an interest only amount for 6 months, stating that if I switch it he will just cancel it. I'm going to speak to the lender tomorrow, tell them what he has told me he will do and see if they can just overwrite him. Surely they could do this? If I'm willing (by going into more debt) to pay the interest only amount each month until court then they can let me? I just can't default and be blacklisted as this will affect me and the children getting suitable accommodation going forward. In terms of the early repayment fee and legal fees for the house he has deducted 50% each. He has his family's money but won't use it to pay the mortgage each month. It's emotional blackmail and I've had enough. If he won't let me buy him out then I will tell him to put it on the market as he's said he wants (but I know he doesn't). He knows I would like him to stay there as it'll be less upheaval for the children when they are with him but he's playing on this. I have to realise that it's just a house and the children need me to be ok. He's saying we have to put it up for a quick sale because he can't afford to pay the mortgage but the offer that he is offering me is more than we will get for a quick sale (another threat). I'm not sure he realises that even if we do sell the money will have to stay with the solicitor until we've had the hearing. If I'm not mistaken? So essentially he's going to be homeless with a bad credit and no money until the courts decide? He thinks I'm scared to go to court and fight him. I am but I'm getting stronger and by not rolling over with this hopefully I'm showing him he can't do this any longer. Child maintenance is a whole different story as well. Since moving out 14 months ago he hasn't given me anything to help with the children. I did it alone for a year but was getting further and further into debt and applied to the CMS 2 months ago. He has hit the roof and this is another reason he's saying he can't afford the mortgage. Now he's saying that because I'm receiving maintenance for the children I have to provide summer clothes for the children for whilst they're at his house. It's all so messy. I moved out of the family home because the atmosphere was so toxic. I was sleeping on my eldest's floor and I just couldn't stay there any longer. If I did anything he didn't agree with he'd punish me, it was awful. Thank you so much for your response Joanna. I really hope your situation isn't as awful as mine. Do you feel prepared for your hearing? Wishing you best wishes.

I found this calculator on Wikivorce https://divorce.wikivorce.com/divorce-calculator/divorce-calculator.html What happens to the home? Who will stay in it? Will it be sold? How will the equity be divided? How will pensions be treated? Will they be shared? How will savings and investments be divided? Will there be any child or spousal maintenance payable? How much and for how long? The actual calculator: https://divorce.wikivorce.com/divorce-calculator/divorce-calculator-start.html You provide details about your / your spouse's income, outgoings, children, assets & liabilities - it then provides an estimated settlement Some other calculators I've found https://www.winstonsolicitors.co.uk/divorce-calculator.html Does anyone have any links to any other calculators or Excel spreadsheet templates?

@tanyashaw79 Have you both completed a Form E yet, this will prove whether he is indeed struggling financially. I agree with @Joanna's point - if he's admitted he can fully pay off the mortgage and buy you out then that doesn't sound like he's struggling at all. Why can't his family fund the mortgage payment until at least the court date. Don't be bullied into accepting a potentially bad offer you may later regret. It's not just the house equity in question here, is he going to pay you any spousal maintenance on top of child maintenance - you need legal advice on all this.

Hi @tanyashaw79, sorry to hear you're going through this, it sounds awful 😞 Have you got all this correspondence with your ex-husband in writing, especially about defaulting on the mortgage - I don't think the court will find that very acceptable given that he appears to have money from his family which can pay off the mortgage anyway - so it's not clear why he is "struggling financially and can't afford to pay the mortgage". It's definitely comes across as a threat. It goes without saying you should seek legal advice, but I'm sure you're already doing that given you've got a court hearing. He has made me an offer of 50% of the house equity minus the early repayment fee and the cost of sale. He is also taking 50% of the difference in our pensions (£4.5k minus cost to get pension statements). He has been lent money from his family to buy me out and pay off the remainder of the mortgage. Why should you pay the early repayment fee & cost of sale - this should surely be split between you I'm not too sure what happens when both parties want to buy each other out - at the end of the day the court will want to ensure the children are housed and can spend time with you both. If you can't decide who will buy who out the court may just order the house is sold and you split the equity - the % split will be based on multiple things such as your earning potential & mortgage capacity I'm sure you're aware but If you have the children for more nights than him he'll need to pay you child maintenance. I wouldn't worry too much about it, it's pretty clear to anyone that he's bulling you I assume the court will frown upon this. Just keep a log of all communication and see what your solicitor says. I wouldn't rush into anything without legal advice. Our of interest was there a reason you moved out of the family home? I'm still waiting for my court hearing, end of October, feels like forever doesn't it 😞

Under What Circumstances Can You Force a House Sale in the UK? https://springbokproperties.co.uk/blog/under-what-circumstances-can-you-force-a-house-sale-in-the-uk https://robsols.co.uk/under-what-circumstances-can-you-force-a-house-sale/

Thanks, here are some other related articles about forcing the sale of a joint property Can I Force The Sale Of My House In A Divorce? Obtain A Court Order To Force The Sale Of Jointly Owned Property

This is a list of the various legal forms for divorce, plus some guides about to how to fill them in Form C100 - Apply for a court order to make arrangements for a child or resolve a dispute about their upbringing The ultimate guide to completing a c100 form (Mediate UK) Form A - Give notice of your intention to proceed with an application for a financial order Form D8 - Apply for a divorce or to dissolve a civil partnership Form D81 - Provide information about the parties’ financial situation to support your application for a consent order Form E - Financial statement for a financial order Form E explained (Divorce-Online) How to fill in your Form E without the help of a lawyer (Advicenow) ... Also see these links Wikivorce - Forms

https://www.familylawpartners.co.uk/blog/final-financial-hearings-on-divorce-what-to-expect

Hi @Joanna, I would suggest you get legal advice but I think even with 50/50 shared care he will still need to pay child maintenance. You can calculate child maintenance on this website; https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

This is a good overview of what is considered when diving up the matrimonial assets https://www.thedivorcesurgery.co.uk/how-does-a-judge-decide-who-gets-what-in-a-divorce/

Hi Peter, Sorry to hear that, I found a good page describing some options https://www.watson-thomas.co.uk/help-and-advice/27-help-and-advice-divorce-relationship-breakdown/284-my-spouse-won-t-communicate-with-me-what-can-i-do In summary the steps are your solicitor asks your spouse / their solicitor to respond to within a certain time period if still no response your solicitor may send a firmer letter to your spouse invite your spouse to mediation obtain the assistance from the Court to set a timetable

A list of useful websites & blogs about divorce ... Case Studies Children Case Studies (Holland Family Law) Family Law Case Studies (Bannister Preston) Family Law Case Studies (CWJ) Typical divorces (Law Donut) Court What to expect at a financial dispute resolution (FDR) hearing (Miles & Partners) Divorce Case Studies Family Law Case Studies (CWJ) FAQs FAQ (Vardags) General Ways to end your marriage or civil partnership (Citizens Advice) Mistakes to avoid in divorce Finances Calculators Wikivorce Divorce Calculator Clean Break When can I get a clean break and what happens if i dont get one? (Mediate UK) Consent Orders The ultimate guide to a financial consent order (Mediate UK) Lifestyle & Standard of Living Can you maintain the same lifestyle after divorce? (Vardags) Will I be able to maintain my standard of living post-divorce? (Vardags) Financial Settlement Financial order timetable (Curzon Green) The steps to a financial settlement on divorce (Harrogate Family Law) Dividing up money and belongings when you separate (Citizens Advice) Divorce Settlement Guide: What am I entitled to? Maintenance Child Maintenance Do I have to pay mortgage and child maintenance payments? (Gulbenkian Andonian) Spousal Maintenance Ultimate guide to Spousal Maintenance (Mediate UK) Pensions Pension Sharing Order: Your Complete Guide (PinningtonLaw) Property Can I divorce my spouse if we live in the same house? (Vardags) Can you be forced to sell your home as a result of separation or divorce? (Lindsays) What does divorce mean for your mortgage? (Money) What happens if I leave the family home during divorce negotiations? (Vardags) Mediation 5 reasons why your family mediation may not be working and how to fix it (Mediate UK) Ultimate guide to family mediation (Mediate UK) New Partners & Relationships Can I date whilst going through a divorce? (Vardags) Parenting & Children Can my spouse restrict access to my children? (Vardags) What can I do if my child is refusing to see the other parent? (Mediate UK) The ultimate guide to child arrangements (Mediate UK) 7 inescapable post divorce truths Recommended Websites Bannister Preston DAD.info Harrogate Family Law Holland Family Law Mediate UK PinningtonLaw Vardags Wikivorce

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